Phantom Phreaks
by Bad Player
Summary: An insande parody of the Phantom of the Opera the way it's supposed to be, where me and my friend take part in the story, Christine is crazy, Raoul is an idiot, and the Phantom is the hero! RER! Updated Weekly! WARNING: Nonsequitur and Raoul Bashing
1. Prologue

Okay! This is a fanfiction/parody me and my friend made for phantom of the opera!! We originally did this in MS Word, so there are gonna be some changes... here is a guide...

**This is me, Emof (boy)**

_This is my friend, Meart (girl) _(NOTE: Emof and Meart are not our real names... these are just names we got with a random name generator because we want to protect our identities)

(Actions)

Any :-) smilies are actually either the double shift6 smilie, or the shift6 underscore shift6 smilie

(Sweatdrop) is an anime sweatdrop

Anyway, that should be enough... each chapter is gonna be one scene, except intermission, which will be its own scene... and sorry if we break any rules:-(

RER!!

* * *

**Disclaimer: Emof and Meart do not own The Phantom of the Opera, whether is be the book, movie, tv show, or pet giraffe.**

* * *

**Phantom Phreaks**

By:

**Emof**

and_ Meart_

**DO NOT READ, FOR IT CONTAINS THE INSANITY OF ME!**

_Us!_

**(Emof frowns)**

**This is our version of Phantom of the Opera. It is very odd,**

_Meart: like Emof!_

**Emof:WAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFL EWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLE WAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEW AFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWA FFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAF FLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFF LEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFL EWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLE WAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLEWAFFLE ...**

_Meart: Okay, that's enough waffle..._

****

ACT 1, SCENE 1:

Prolouge:

**Emof: WHO CARES?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!!?**

_Meart: Shut up! Now! Or suffer the consequences!_

**Emof: I WILL NOT BE SILENCED! Uh... what are you doing with that duct tape?**

_Meart: I'm pasting it over your mouth, now stop asking stupid questions!_

_(Meart tapes Emof's mouth shut)_

**Emof: mwehum ahjumahid ragir**

Translator: Translation: Y'know, this is like the time I dated Mrs. Waffle! Or was it Ms. Wafffle? Or Miss Oogle? Then they taped my fingernails shut with a used napkin! or was it a used tissue... or keyboard? Aw well, at least I can still type!

_Meart: What?_

Translator: Translation: What?

_Meart (with Emof): GET OUT OF HERE!_

**Emof (with Meart): MWHAK AGINIAG!**

Translator:FINE! BE THAT WAY!

(Translator storms out of room)

**Emof:-)**

_Meart: oh, lets just start the fan fic!_

_

* * *

_Next time, on Scene 1 Act 1: Some deaths, some stage fright, and some insane people! Don't miss it!

(and sorry if this prologue wasn't that good)


	2. Act 1, Scene 1

Oooh... only 1 review... aw well. This is still great!!

Also, all the scenes and pretty short, but pretty funny! This is really something best read in 2-5 scene chunks.

RER!

Also, there is some _italics _in this story that aren't Meart. They're singing. I think you'll be able to figure out when it's singing and when it's not.

* * *

**_ACT 1, SCENE 1:_**

**SKIP THE POINTLESS DIALOUGE!**

Carlotta: _Think of me! Think of me!.._

(Curtain falls down, almost hitting Carlotta and swinging past her into Christine and kills Christine)

Phantom: Oops, wrong rope...

Firman: Well, this is kind of a bummer...

**Emof: MWA HA HA! FEAR MY POWER!**

_Meart: psst! Emof! What are you doing in there? Your not in the movie!_

**Emof: Sssh! There's a rehearsal going on!**

_(Meart rolls eyes)_

Andre: BRING IN THE LOOK-A-LIKES!

(Several auditions later...)

Carlotta: _Think-_

Andre (interupting): SHUT UP YOU! WE WANT CHRISTINE!

Christine: _Think of me! Think of me fondly, when we've said good-bye! Remember me, once in a while, please promise me you'll try! When you find, that once again you long, to take you're heart back and be free, if you ever find a moment spare a thought for me!_

(Turns into gala)

Christine: OH MY GOSH! DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT! IT SWITCHED FROM THE REHEARSAL TO THE GALA! OH MY GOSH!

Andre: Okay, after this we take her to the asylum, right?

Firman: Yep.

Meg: Christine! just keep singing!

Christine: But I can't! There are too many people!

**Emof: Yeah, she probably has stage fright! Just like Meart!**

_Meart: No I don-_

_(Meart looks at audience and freezes up)_

**Emof: yeah, right...**

Raoul: Hm... I think I know that person down there on stage... uh... hang on... I know this... oh, yeah! It's the girl who served waffles at the hotel! No, thats not it... uh... maybe that person who I dated back in 8th grade who killed my pet cabbage? No... thats not right either... uh... well, we all know there's no way it could be _Christine_... (Does anime happy face)

* * *

Yeah... pretty short! And don't worry, it gets funnier next time!

* * *

Next time: A skeptic, a shrine, and a river in egypt! Don't miss it! 


	3. Act 1, Scene 2

Yay! Sorry I didn't update last weekend... I was busy (and it's not like we have any fans...) And now a word from our co-host!! yay!!!

Meart: uh... i forgot what i was gonna say... oops.

okey... let's just start this scene...

* * *

**ACT 1, SCENE 2**

(Christine is sitting all alone in her home-made shrine to her father)

Christine: allhaildaddyallhaildaddyallhail daddyallhaildaddyallhaildaddy-

Phantom: oooooooooh...

Christine: GAH!

Meg (walking in): What the heck are you screaming about?

Christine: DON"T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meg: I didn't do anything!

_(Meart pulls skeptical look)_

(Christine pulls skeptical look)

Meg: I'm not lying!

Christine: Denial.

**Emof: Yay Egypt!!!**

Meg: Okay... whatever...

The Director: HEY! YOU HAVE LINES YOU KNOW!!!!!

Meg: Oh, yeah... a-HEM... you were really good. Who taught you? I want lessons too!

Christine: My daddy's ghost. Now go away, so I can worship him in peace.

Phantom (jumping out from nowhere): BOO!

Christine and Meg: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (run away at sudden noise)

Phantom: ...tee hee...

**Emof: Wait... didn't they have a song or something?**

_Meart: Who cares?!_

**Emof: Me.**

_Meart: Exactly why they didn't do it!_

**Emof (with sweatdrop): I really need better friends...**

_Meart: You sure do! (Happy anime face)_

_

* * *

_Next time, a complaint, a lie, and a very painful visit to a certain person's dressing room. Don't miss it! 


	4. Act 1, Scene 3

Yay! Long chapter! (and Raoul bashing). W00T! 

_Meart: you say "yay!" waaaaaaaaaay too much..._

**Emof: Yeah, and you spend way too much money on plane tickets to the Gobi Desert... **(inside joke)

_Meart: STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEEE! (SOB)_

**Emof: Not make of you? Then how can we finish the fanfic? XD

* * *

**

**ACT 1, SCENE 3**

(In Christine's Dressing room...)

Madame Giry (walking in): Okay, good job, Christine.

Christine: That's it?!? AFTER ALL THAT, ALL I GET IS A "GOOD JOB, CHRISTINE"!!??!?!?!!?!??!?!!?

Madame Giry: Yep. Well, actually... no. I lied.

Random people there for no reason: Oh no she DIDN'T!

Madame Giry: yeah, yeah, whatever. This came for you. (Pulls rose out of pocket and gives it to Christine) There. That's from you-know-who.

Christine: uhm... who?

Madame Giry (walking off with a sweatdrop): Oy... if he's so smart, why can't he invent a way to give Christine a brain?

Andre and Firman (barging in): HELLO, PEOPLE!!!! LET'S GO GET DRUNK AFTER HAVING A VERY SHORT PLAY THAT WAS ONLY 10 PARAGHRAPHS LONG!!

**Emof: Yeah! Then we'll have an excuse to throw Meart out the window!**

_Meart: You evil child..._

Firman: Hey, Mr. Roul person! I know some one you don't know-

Andre: _I know someone you don't know! Yogi, Yogi! I know someone you don't know! Yogi, Yogi bear! _

**Emof: I still don't get that song... (blames Meart)**

Raoul: Okay... someone needs a time-out...

_Meart (utterly drunk): We don't listen to you! You're a fop, I say! A FOP!!!_

**Emof: Actually, I agree with Raoul; you really do need a time out... Why do I feel like washing my mouth with soap right now? (Goes off to do that)**

(Firman and Andre lead Roul to Christine's dressing room)

(In the dressing room:)

Christine (seeing Raoul): AHHH!! FOPPY STRANGER!! SAVE ME!! WHO ARE YOU!!! HELP! AHHHH!!!

Raoul: It's me, Raoul.

(Christine stares blankly at Raoul for a few seconds)

Christine: Oh yeah... AHHHH!! STRANGER!!! SAVE ME! TAKE MY HAIRCARE PRODUCTS AND LEAVE MY ALONE!! SAVE ME! SOMEBODY!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Raoul rubs temples)

Raoul: Remember, I got you your scarf back when we were children?

Christine: Oh yeah... now I remember. AHH! STR-

(Raoul puts hand over Christine's mouth)

Raoul: Why are you still yelling? I thought you knew me!

Christine: I do; I just like screaming "stranger" at the top of my lungs (Does anime happy face)

(Christine punches Raoul in the eye)

Raoul: Hey! (Ow!) What was that for?! You can't touch my beautiful foppy face!

Christine: For getting me back my scarf! I hated that scarf and I was trying to get rid of it, and you just had to go and save it!

(Christine gives Raoul a roundhouse kick, and remember, Christine is wearing big, pointy, high heel shoes)

Raoul: Hey! (ow! ow! ow! ow! ow!) When in the world was that for?

Christine: For leaving in the middle of my performance!

Raoul: How would you know I did that?

(Christine takes out a remote and presses play, and a DVD player and a TV system from the future materialize out of nowhere, showing the Phantom of the Opera movie and the Think of Me part where Raoul sings his little lines)

(Christine taps her foot impatiently, waiting for her answer as Raoul gets nervous)

Raoul: Fine! I'm sorry!

(Christine does some sort of painful wrestling move to Raoul)

Raoul: OKAY! WHAT WAS THAT FOR! (ow! hurts to talk...)

Christine: I just like beating you up. (Does happy anime eyes)

Raoul: this visit is turning out to be a very painful one...

_Meart: no kidding..._

Raoul: Hey, how did you get in here?

_Meart: I'm the co-authoress! I can do anything!_

Raoul: But-

_Meart: Do you want me to write you out of the story? My co-author and I _will _do it._

Raoul (Turning back to Christine): Anyway, Christine, would you stop trying to kill me if i took you out to dinner?

Christine (with shifty eyes): hm... (plots, plots, plots)...maybe...

Raoul: okay... so, I'll go get the carriage while you change?

Christine: okay. get going.

Raoul: uh...

Christine: well?

Raoul: uh...

Chistine: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!?!?! GET GOING!!!!!!!

Raoul: I cant!

Christine: WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT ARE YOU, CRIPPLED OR SOMETHING?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Raoul: I WILL BE IF YOU DONT GET OFF ME!

Christine: ...oh... right...i knew that... (gets off Raoul)

(Raoul runs away, screaming something about an attempted murder and portly pickles)

Christine: hmm... such a lovely, nice mannered, little crazy person...

(Ten million years later...)

Christine: you know... I think something was supposed to happen between then and now...

Director: REWIND!!!!!!!!

_Christine: hmm... such a lovely, nice mannered, little crazy person..._

Phantom: I think I have some lines here...

Director: CUT!!!!!!! REWIND!!!!!!!

_Christine: hmm... such a lovely, nice mannered, little crazy person..._

Phantom: ...what? OH! Christine! Take a look in my freaky miror of death and be transported into the millionth demension!

Christine: er... okay! (Steps into mirror)

Raoul: My Christine sentences are tingling! (Runs to her dressing room and hears her and the Phantom) I am stupid, so I cant figure out how to open this door to rescue the love of my life... If only I could figure out this doorknob-contraption-thingy! hm... you'd think I'd at least be calling for help or something...

* * *

WARNING: More Raoul bashing ahead! (Of course, that's not really a bad thing...)

Oh, and if anyone wants to help me and Meart plot to blow up 19th century Paris to kill Raoul please pm me!

* * *

Next time, a look-a-likes, a swimming lesson, and even more look-a-likes! Don't miss it! 


	5. Act 1, Scene 4

Yay! I _(glares) _err... we have fans! Yay!

Anyway, since I think I forgot to update last weekend (sorry) this weekend is a double update!

And don't worry... (unlike the normal PotO) this gets better the later on it is!

RER!

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**ACT 1, SCENE 4:**

In the tunnel thingy:

Phantom: Now we must sing "The Phantom of the Opera" for no apparent reason!

Christine: Meh, I don't feel like singing right now

Phantom: I don't care! It's in the script!

Christine: Who cares about the script?

(Christine throws script into the lake)

Christine: OH NO! MY SCRIPT!

**Emof: Uh... looks like somebody had a split personality. **

_Meart: Duh._

_(Meart hits Emof over the head with a rubber chicken)_

_Meart: Ohmygod! are you okay Emof?_

**Emof: (ow) Looks like Christine ain't the only one with split personalities**

_Meart: Duh._

_(Meart hits Emof over the head with a rubber chicken)_

_Meart: Ohmygod! are you okay Emof?_

**Emof: Let's... get back to the story before I have to go to the hospital.**

(Christine dives into the water and starts flailing around)

Christine: HELP! HELP! I CAN'T SWIM!

Phantom: The water is two inches thick. And u have a life saver. And water wings. And a swim teacher with you.

(Phantom steps into water, which only comes up to his heel)

Phantom: See? I told you it was shallow. Just stand up.

Christine: How can I stand in water? It is too deep? God, you are so dumb sometimes!

Phantom: But... oh, never mind! (under his breath) why do I even bother?

(Christine drowns even though the water is only 2 inches thick)

Director: Bring in the look-a-likes! Again!

(After several auditions, during the Music of the Night scene:)

Phantom: Yadda yadda yadda. You all probably already know the lyrics.

**Emof: But it's so prettyful!**

_Meart: Emof... never. Say. That. Again. I'm the girl. You're the boy. You do not say "prettyful", "pretty" or "beautiful" to describe something._

**Emof: Wait... you're a girl!?!?**

_Meart (sweatdrop): I know, I know... after all, girls _did _once try to ask me out..._

**Emof: Wait, wait... are you sure you're a girl? I mean,**

_(Takes out rubber chicken)_

**Emof: I mean of course you're a girl! (Anime happy face and sweatdrop)**

_Meart (puts away rubber chicken): Good Emof! You'll get a doggy treat when we get home! Now, let's get back to the story... again._

(Christine starts to step out of boat, but trips and lands on Phantom and knocks him over)

(Phantom knocks over a candle, and entire place catches on fire)

Director: CUT! Christine? YOU'RE FIRED! BRING IN THE LOOK-A-LIKES! (again again)

* * *

No preview of next time, since next time is now! Yay! 


	6. Act 1, Scene 5

Oh... remeber how I said I was going to do a double update... well... It's a triple update now, since this chapter is so short! Yay!

* * *

**ACT 1, SCENE 5**

(Back at the opera house the next morning..).

I-forget-his-name: you know... I once heard of this opera ghost guy-

Madame Giry: no kidding, stupid...

I-forget-his-name: no, really! he-

Madame Giry: (slaps I-forget-his-name) DONT TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, OR YOU GET PUNJABED!!!!!!

I-forget-his-name: wait... is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Madame Giry: (muttering while walking away) I could have been a sales clerk who won the lottery and became a multimillionaire, but no, I had go work in a haunted opera house! Why me...

* * *

See? I told you this chapter was short. 


	7. Act 1, Scene 6

Sorry there wasn't any Raoul bashing in these three chapters...

* * *

**ACT 1, SCENE 6**

(In the phantom's lair...)

Phantom: yaddah, yaddah, you knnow it all...

Christine: oooooooh... pwetty mask... me takes! (snatches phantom's mask)

Phantom: AAAAAAAAAH! YOU IDIOT!!!!!!! YOU F-

We inturrupt this program (mainly the phantom's profanity) to bring you...

A RANDOM TREE IN THE MIDDLE OF A RANDOM FOREST!

**(Emof runs away)**

_(Meart hugs tree)_

**Emof: Enough of this! Back to the story!**

Christine: uh... here's your mask?

Phantom: uh... thanks?

Christine: uh... yeah?

Phantom: uh... sure?

christine: yeah... awkward, huh?

Phantom: er... yeah...

(Silence...)

Phantom: Oh... uh... yeah... now you can never go home... since you've seen my face and all...

(3 seconds later)

Phantom: Oh no! If I keep you down here, they might find me! You must go now!

Christine: YAY!!!!!!!

* * *

Seriously, does the Phantom not do that in the movie? (sigh) Whatever. RER!

* * *

Next Time: Raoul bashing (YES!!!), so super-crazy insanity, and a very well-kept secret. Don't miss it! 


	8. Act 1, Scene 7

Since I've been so lazy, I'm gonna update all the way to intermission today...

* * *

**Act 1, Scene 7**

in the entry hall...

crowd outside: WE WANT REFUNDS! WE WANT REFUNDS!

Andre: er... dont you mean "WE WANT CHRISTINE!"?

crowd outside: (silence...) WE WANT REFUNDS! WE WANT REFUNDS!

Firman: well... at least we're getting payed for all this...

Andre: why would we get payed for standing out here while a bunch of stupid people, who probably weren't even here last night, try to mob the opera house?

Firman: Because we got rid of Christine? and, because, we set up (lightning) REFRESHMENT STANDS FROM THE FUTURE!!!!!!!

Random hot-dog-from-the-future seller: ANYTHING FROM THE TROLLEY?

_Meart: you know... I dont think they had hot dogs in the 18 hundreds..._

**Emof: THAT'S WHY THEY'RE FROM THE FUTURE!**

Raoul: (walks in) Hi. You die. (uses the force to attempt to choke firman)

Firman: ahkofp aoi woiej plabjka!?

translator: translation: what are you doing!?

Raoul: WHERE DID CHRISTINE GO?!?!?!?!?!?!?! and why am i getting blackmailed?

Andre: i-

Carlotta: WHY AM I GETTING BLACK-MAILED?!?!?!?!?!?!?! and where did christine go?

Andre: i-

Piangi: yeah! listen to carlotta!

Andre: i-

Raoul: me first!

Andre: i-

Carlotta and Piangi: no, us first!

Andre: SHADDUP!!!!!!!

Giry: Everyone! Christine just came back!

Christine: Ya! I was in the millionith dimension!

(Everyone looks at Christine wierd)

Giry: Shush, you stupid girl! They aren't supposed to know the phantom lives in the basement below the opera and he's giving you singing lessons which is making you really good (and if he made u good, he has got to be a really good teacher!)

Christine: What is that supposed to mean?

Giry: Uh... nothing! (innocent look) and that he brainwashed u and u think he's ur father's ghost and that he loves you and you love him and that him and Raoul are gonna fight over him after he kidnaps you later in the play and will eventually let you and Raoul go and disappear!

(Everyone looks at Giry even wierder)

Giry: I mean... Christine! Of course you were... (Innocent look)

Everyone: Oh, that's what i thought you said.

**Emof: But I thought she said "Shush, you stupid girl! They aren't supposed to know the phantom lives in the basement below the opera and he's giving you singing lessons which is making you really good (and if he made u good, he has got to be a really good teacher!)**

Christine: What is that supposed to mean?

**Giry: Uh... nothing! (innocent look) and that he brainwashed u and u think he's ur father's ghost and that he loves you and you love him and that him and Raoul are gonna fight over him after he kidnaps you later in the play and will eventually let you and Raoul go and disappear!"**

_Meart: She did! Now shut up or they'll hear you!_

Andre: Yeah! If you're not quiet we'll find out that the phantom lives in the basement below the the opera and he's giving Christine singing lessons which made her really good (and if he made Christine good, he has got to be a really good teacher!)

Christine: What is that supposed to mean?

Andre: Uh... nothing! (innocent look) and that he brainwashed Christine and Christine thinks he's her father's ghost and that he loves Christine and Christine loves him and that him and Raoul are gonna fight over him after he kidnaps Christine later in the play and will eventually let Christine and Raoul go and disappear! Sheesh!

**Emof: O, sorry. I didn't realize saying all that would make u find out that the phantom lives in the basement below the opera and he's giving Christine sging lessons which made her really good (and if he made Christine good, he has got to be a really good teacher!)**

Christine: What is that supposed to mean?

**Andre: Uh... nothing! (innocent look) and that he brainwashed Christine and Christine thinks he's her father's ghost and that he loves Christine and Christine loves him and that him and Raoul are gonna fight over him after he kidnaps Christine later in the play and will eventually let Christine and Raoul go and disappear!**

Firmin: Yes, you finally realize that saying that would make us realize that the phantom lives in the basemen-

_(Meart pastes duct tape over Firmin's mouth)_

_Meart: ENOUGH ALREADY! EMOF, I WOULD HAVE NEVER FREED U FROM UR PRISON IN THE CENTER OF THE EARTH AND LET U GO ON MY COMPUTER IF I HAD KNOWN U WOULD HAVE ADDED THIS TO OUR FANFIC!_

**Emof: Added what? Me almost telling everyone that the phantom lives in the basement below the opera house and he's giving Chris-**

_(Meart goes beserk)_

_Meart: U DIE NOW! U ALL DIE! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA! FEAR MY POWER!!!!_

**(Emof takes keyboard away from Meart)**

**(Emof types something into keyboard and Meart turns into a watermelon)**

**Emof: There, now shut up. Now... where was I?**

_(Meart rapidly evolves into... a rapidly evolving watermelon with arms, and takes the keyboard back and starts hitting Emof over the head with it)_

Raoul: Oh no! If the keyboard is messed up, the entire story will get crazy (even more so)!

**ACT 1, SCENE 3 **

Christine is sitting all alone in her home-made shrine to her father

Christine: allhaildaddyallhaildaddyallhail daddyallhaildaddyallhaildaddy-

Phantom: oooooooooh...

Christine: GA-

Meg: Didn't we already do this?

Director: YES, WE DID! FAST FOWARD!

**The  
End**

Director: NOT THAT FOWARD!

Carlotta/Raoul/Andre/Firmin: Okay, lets read our letters!

Director: Perfect!

(Raoul takes out a pice of paper)

Raoul: Here is my letter!

(The piece of paper has a giant "Q" on it)

Andre: So?

Raoul: But look on the back! There is a note!

(Raoul turns to paper over to reveal a... (lightning) HALF NOTE!!!!!! (MWA HA HA HA HA HA))

(Everybody gasps)

(Meg faints)

_Meart: She must be afraid of music!_

**Emof: Like how you're afraid of electronic appliance stores!**

_Meart: I am not!_

**Emof: Oh yeah?**

**(Emof takes out a remote and switches to a channel with a Radioshack commercial on it)**

_(Meart grows very tense)_

_Meart: If that's the way u wanna play..._

_(Meart grabs remote and switches to the... (lightning) PRETTY UNICORN CHANNEL!!!!!!!!!!!)_

**Emof: I don't know if you've forgotten this or not, but... _you're _the one whose afraid of pretty pink unicorns, not me...**

_Meart: Oh yeah..._

_(Meart faints)_

**(Emof looks at giant play audience just staring at him)**

**Emof: Uhh... YOUR FAULT!**

**(Emof runs off stage and switches back to phantom of the opera)**

Firmin: Who could this note be from?

Raoul: Well, on the paper is says: This letter/note is from the phantom lives in the basement below the opera who is giving Christine singing lessons which is making her really good (and if I made her good, I have got to be a really good teacher!)

Christine: What is that supposed to mean?

Phantom: Uh... nothing! (innocent look) and that I brainwashed her and she thinks I'm her father's ghost and that I love her and she loves me and that me and Raoul are gonna fight over her after I kidnaps her later in the play and will eventually let Christine and Raoul go and disappear!

Andre: Well, so who could it be from? It's not like they gave an explanation of who they are and what they will do eventually!

(Everyone crowds around Raoul's letter trying to figure out who its from)

(Meanwhile in the background, while no one is looking, Christine is... PICKING HER NOSE!!!!!!!!!)

**Emof: FEAR MY POWER! MWA HA HA HA HA!**

_(Meart hits Emof over the head with a green iPod carrying case)_

_Meart: No more sugar for u, Emof_

_Meart: i-pods ruined the music industry. i DONT have one. this thing belongs to Koichi. _(another random not-real name)

**Emof: the tall one?**

_Meart: yeah..._

Phantom: YO! PEOPLE! CHRISTINE GETS LEAD, AND CARLOTTA GETS TO ACT A BOY! get it? got it? gooooooooood...

Christine: I hear voices...

Madame Giry: no kidding...

Carlotta: THAT"S IT! I QUIT! awkward pause ...AGAIN! storms out

Firman and Andre: uh... WAIT!!!!!!! run after carlotta

Madame Giry, Meg, Raoul, and Christine: (pause...) _WE'RE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE! WE-"_

director: WRONG SONG!

Madame Giry, Meg, Raoul, and Christine: oops..._Prima donna, first lady of the stage-_

**Emof: let's fast foreward.**

_Meart: i concur._

**The E****nd **

_Meart: oh, give ME the remote!_

**Emof: fine! if you think you can do it better than me-**


	9. Act 1, Scene 8

**Act 1, Scene 8**

the performance...

Carlotta: _poor fool! he makes me laugh! ha-_

Phantom: BE SCARED BY MY SUPER-SONIC VOICE!!!!!!!

Carlotta: oh. my. god. i must be, like, having auditory hallucinations...

_Meart: no. only i can have those._

Christine: hm... my spider senses are tingling!

Carlotta: oh, well... MOVING ON! _ha, ha,ha, ha, ha,ha- RUBBERCHICKEN!_

Phantom: er... wasn't she supposed to croak?

Carlotta: RUBBERCHICKEN!

Meg: apparently not.

Carlotta: RUBBERCHICKEN!

Phantom: gr... my curse is not working. i'll just lynch someone instead.

i-forget-his-name: pst! i volunteer!

Phantom: good!

(i-forget-his-name is strangled by punjab and falls onto stage)

Audience: hm... i wonder if that's a stunt double... or if that was actually suposed to happen?

(Everyone runs around screaming things like "it's the end of the world!", "the sky is falling", and "i'll miss you, my pankake!")

**_"I'll miss you, my pankake!" copyright, Someone, 1987 BC _**

Raoul: come christine! to the batcave!

Christine: uh... dont you mean "to the roof!"?

Raoul: no...

Christine: TOO BAD! TO THE ROOF! (drags raoul up to the roof by the hair) raoul... i've got issues.

Raoul: really? i didn't notice...Hey, y'know this phantom guy ur obsessed with?

* * *

OMG CLIFFIE!! 


	10. Act 1, Scene 9

**ACT 1, SCENE 9 **

Christine: No...

Raoul: Well, he's not rea- wha? You don't know about him?

Christine: No... Raoul, have you been eating chili before dinner again?

Raoul (with shifty eyes): Maybe... Well, hypothetically, lets say there is this phantom dude your obsessed with!

Christine: Okay! OMGOMGOMG! DIDITELLUABOUTTHISGUYI'MOBSESSE DWITH? OMGOMGOMG! HE'SUBERPWNAGE! I 3HIM!!!1!!!1!!11!!! 1 L1K3 S0 707411Y 7-1/\/K U2 4 UB3R N00B! H3 PWN3D U!!! W00T4G3!!!

Raoul: Uhh... could you please be obsessed with him without the computer lingo?

Christine: W-47 1S 4 c0/\/\put32? W3'23 1/\/ l1k3, t-3 1800's.

Raoul: Whatever! Let's just argue!

Christine: L3t's n0t!

Raoul: Let's!

Christine: L3t's n0t!

Raoul: Well, too bad! We already are!

Chrstine: -3y, w3'23 4t t-3 r00f!

Raoul: Now lets sing lovey-dovey! BUT NOT IN 1337!

Christine: Ita Vero! (Latin for "yes")

Raoul: In english.

Christine: But we're in france.

Raoul: No, we're in paris!

Christine: It doesn't make a difference! Just do it in english!

Raoul: Hey, that's my line!

Christine: Oh, sorry.

Raoul: It doens't make a difference! Just do it in english!

Christine: But its france! I only know french!

Raoul: No, you know english! You are speaking it right now!

Christine: Sumne? ("I am?")

Raoul: (Rubs temples) Let's just sing!

Chrstine: Ita Vero! (latin for "yes")

Raoul: In engl- Oh, whatever!

(Raoul and Christine start singing, with subtitles for Christine. Then they jump off the roof and the Phantom comes out of a statue)

Phantom: Well, I love Christine, but she loves Raoul, so I guess I can't win. At least i tried!

Director: HOW ABOUT U USE THE LINES UR SUPPOSED TO USE?

Phantom: Fine! (starts to sing All I Ask of you reprise) _YOU WERE CURSED THE DAY YOU DID NOT DO ALL THAT THE PHANTOM ASKED OF YOU!!!!!!_ (Phantom runs towards one of the statues, and trips and falls off the building. Unlike Christine/Raoul, who somehow were saved, the Phantom died)

Director: AUDITION TIME! (A bunch of people dressed as asparagus runs into room Uhh... wrong movie...) I think...

Audience: I thought this was a play!

(Director looks behind him and sees audience)

Director: Hey! U gotta have passes to be back here!

Audience: But this is a play!

(Director and Audience start to fight, which lasts all through intermission! INTERMISSION! YAY!)

* * *

Yay! I went until intermission! Oh, and don't miss that, when I get around to updating it! It will have a new character, some popcorn, and the never-ending orchestra pit of doom! Yay! 


End file.
